Lesbian couples

It is entirely up to you. Nothing is more true than anything else.

Our advice is that what feels right for you and your partner will, in the vast majority of cases, also be the best for the child. The most important thing is therefore to familiarize yourself with the options and make a decision.

When we ask single women and lesbian couples their choices, we can see that most choose an open donor – especially here at home, where there is great openness about different family forms. It is often about the women not wanting to restrict the child.

An important thing you must consider is: What do you want to decide for yourself? For some, it is very important to be aware of all choices. Some want the donor to have light hair and blue eyes, others are more concerned that the donor has the same values, outlook on life and interests, while for a third it is not important at all to have an influence. However, most people have one or more wishes, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. However, it is important to emphasize that we cannot give guarantees. Even if the donor has blue eyes, the clinic will never be able to guarantee that the child will also have blue eyes, etc.

We all have genetic defects. This also applies to a donor. Although he has been screened and tested for many diseases, of course we cannot make guarantees. But in general the child is better off than most of the children who are born naturally.

We often get the question: “How much donor sperm should I buy?” It’s really hard to give advice on, because we can’t know. However, you should consider early in the process whether you want your child to have full siblings: “If everything goes well, will you have more than one child? If so, is it important that it is the same donor?” This will of course be decisive for how much you should buy/reserve at this time – this applies to both open, anonymous plus and anonymous donor.

What are you really going to say to the child? When will you tell me? We recommend that you think about the child’s history already when you choose to have a donor child. We see that some take it as it comes, some plan something they want to say, while others choose to write a diary from the first thought until they are standing with a child in their arms. It then later becomes a gift for the child.

And don’t forget… a donor child is to that extent a desired child. It has been desired long before it came into being. It is an option. It is the wish of the mother and father, and it is the wish of the donor. It is a great gift – also to be told later in life!
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