Treatment with donor sperm

1. Do you want ID-release or No ID-release donor?

It is entirely up to you. Nothing is more true than anything else – not even if there is something to suggest that an increasing number – especially in Denmark – want an ID-release donor. Our advice is that what feels right for you and your partner will, in the vast majority of cases, also be the best for the child. The important thing is therefore to familiarize yourself with the options and make a decision.

When we ask single women and lesbian couples their choice, we can see that most choose an ID-release donor – especially in Denmark, where there is great openness about different family forms. It is often about the women not wanting to restrict the child. Some single women might come up with the argument: “Now that I can’t give my child a father, I can give it an ID-release donor.” We are also seeing more heterosexual couples choose open donor than we have seen in the past due to a greater openness in society in general.

Others choose a No ID-release donor because they want to take responsibility for the child (on the child’s behalf) and thus not ‘simply’ hand over/leave it up to the child to make the choice to gain more knowledge later in life.

In these years, there is also another essential issue which has an impact on the choice of donor. Because what does it mean to choose an ID-release donor?

An ID release/open donor is a broad term. The law does not state that the child has the right to meet his donor when he turns 18, but that he has the right to know the identity. This raises a new question: What does identity cover? Is it a name, an address or just information about him? We don’t know, as the sperm banks offer something different.

In Denmark, we have had ID-release/open sperm donors since 2007 – this means that the oldest donor children are not yet 18 years old. Therefore, we do not know how the sperm banks will handle the issue. For some, it is therefore more attractive to choose a donor without ID release – for the sole reason that the story is much simpler to give to your child. The answer is not: “We will have to see what you can find out when you turn 18”. If a donor has been chosen without an ID release, we now know exactly what information the child can receive.

In some cultures (especially abroad) having a donor child is not well regarded. That is why we see women and couples who choose No ID-release donor, because their starting point is that they do not want to tell either the child or the outside world how the child came to be.

2. How should you relate to any hereditary disease in a donor?

We all have genetic defects. This also applies to a donor. Although he has been screened and tested for many diseases, we cannot make guarantees. But in general the child is better off than most of the children who are born naturally. In many cases, the donor has typically delivered donor sperm to other children in the past, and we are informed if the donor e.g. is in quarantine while it is investigated whether a reported malformation or illness in a child can be attributed to the donor.

3. Do you dream of more than one child?

We often get the question: “How much donor sperm should I buy?” It’s really hard to give advice on, because we can’t know. However, an important question you should consider early in the process is the question of full siblings: “If all goes well, will you/you have more than one child?” If so, is it important to you that it is the same donor?” This will of course be decisive for how much you should buy/reserve from at this time.

4. How will you tell your child that it is a donor child?

What are you really going to say to the child? When will you tell? How would you say it? We recommend that you already think about the child’s history when you choose to have a donor child.

We see that some take it as it comes, some plan something they want to say, while others choose to write a diary from the first thought until they are standing with a child in their arms. It then later becomes a gift for the child.

The advantage for lesbians and single women is clearly that the child himself will tell them when he is ready to get the answer. A two-year-old might say, “Where’s my daddy?” When the child is 5 years old, he may ask again. We also meet some who tell it from the time the children are infants.

And don’t forget… a donor child is to that extent a desired child. It has been desired long before it came into being. It is an option. It is the wish of the mother, it is the wish of a fellow mother or father, and it is the wish of the donor. It is a great gift – also to be told later in life!